Some Days There Are No Answers

My cousin Jane Stevenson (left)

 

Last weekend, KSL ran a story about a woman who was shot to death in Summit County. That woman was my cousin Jane. The circumstances surrounding her death are a little vague. I am not really sure how to process the whole thing. I wasn't close to her, and yet she was family. I am incredibly sad for her family, but I am not sure what else I am feeling. It would be nice if I could just cry about the whole thing and be done with it. I would like to think I was a good Christian that was mourning with those that mourn, and maybe I am, but I am not really sure I am there yet.

 

I found out about it when my sister Kim called me Saturday to ask what I knew. Since I knew nothing, she told me that she had read comments on Facebook that sounded as if Jane had died.

 

With a few inquiring phone calls and Facebook messaging, I found out that indeed my cousin had died, but there are so many unanswered questions that the family didn't really know how. The death is not going on the death certificate as a suicide or a homicide. What does that mean exactly?

 

I did learn from a friend of mine who has connections with the Unified Police department, that she actually did commit suicide.

 

And. . .That just breaks my heart. I hurt for Jane (even though she is now free of whatever pain she was in), and I hurt for her family. I knew that she didn't have a great relationship with her parents, and as a parent myself, I mostly hurt for them.

 

I wish I could cry about it, but I am not really sure how to feel. I can't even comprehend the magnitude of the pain that all parties are experiencing.

 

I would like to help lessen the pain of the wounded hearts, but I am not sure how to do even that.

 

Hopefully, with time I will know what it is that I am to do.