The Dam has Opened

Yesterday, the Stake Presidency visited our ward and made changes to the ward boundaries.  They created two new wards.  They reaffirmed that change is good.  It means new growth, not only in the area, but also in the Church.  It is good, except when it affects my family. 

As soon as the announcement was made, my kids burst into tears, and haven't stopped yet.  I scooted to the the middle of them so that I could have one on each side of me.  I held on tight while we finished sacrament meeting through deep wails of grief and pain.   A few people made comments that they were handling it okay until they saw our little family.  Gregg had just left to fly to Dallas, so I was alone, trying my hardest to stay strong for my kids.  Well,  . . . that didn't work.  I am sad.   I am really sad.  I have served and loved the people we are leaving for more than 12 years. 

When the ward split in 2000, Gregg was put in the bishopric, and was part of the structuring of the new ward.  We went for walks and he quizzed me on who lived in each house.  I was put in the presidency of the Young Women.  It was a small group, but we were close.  I have seen those girls grow, go on missions, and get married in the temple.  Many are moms of their own now. 

Then I moved on to Cub Scouts, and learned things that I never knew before.  I have seen those boys also grow up to go on missions, and deal with some very hard circumstances, like the death of a mother and sister.  They are strong.

Then I moved on to being a Primary teacher, which taught me that I really am not patient, and if I am working with 3 year olds, I need help. 

I had the chance to teach with Gregg for all of a month before I was called into the Primary Presidency.  I learned to love every child in our ward.  I connected with them in a way that I never thought possible.  I am such a "worker bee" type personality that sometimes I have to be knocked over the head to be still, and let the work happen, and happen it did.  I also learned that people are more important than following the manual.

Then it was on to teaching the 16-18 year olds in Sunday School.  They were hard. I studied the gospel more during this time than ever before.  I didn't want any on my watch to "die with their bellies full of hay" spiritually.  I truly loved them.  Those kids have now moved on.  Some are on missions.  Some are married, some are at college and playing Volleyball at BYU, and some are still trying to figure out where life is going to take them next.

Then it was on to Nursery.  I loved those I served with, and I grew to love the kids in my class.  Here I learned that I am seriously toy challenged.  I can build Legos, or play house, but if you give me a Barbie to just dress and redress, I have issues.  I love puzzles and coloring, but playing with superheros or cars sends me to the luny bin. 

Then it was on to Compassionate Service.  Here I learned  just how giving our ward truly was.  I loved working with the Relief Society President in taking care of the needs of the families in our ward.  I LOVED this calling.  I love helping people.  I love the fact that we have a network set up to help when life deals us hard trials.  I love the people that allowed me to serve them. 

I have only been in Webelos for a few months, and didn't start off so gung-ho about serving with this group of boys, but I can honestly say that I have traveled through more emotions and more gut wrenching decisions in the last two months than I did in any of my other callings.  I didn't know if I could love these boys, but I do.  They were my band of brothers like the Stripling Warriors.  I don't know if I taught them what I needed to while I was there, or if I learned what I was supposed to learn, but I tried my hardest, and hopefully it was enough.

I have been a visiting teacher to many, many sisters in this ward.  I have visited older ladies and younger ones.  I have had partners that were eager and partners that have challenged me.  I have felt the spirit guide me to serve them, and I have learned to love much.

Which makes this change incredibly hard.  I love them just too dang much.  I will miss serving them.

All this is about why I am having a hard time, but I can suck it up and deal with hard things more when it is only me dealing with it, but every time one of my kids start crying, I lose it.  I can't fix their pain.  Moms are supposed to help their kids get through hard times.  Moms are supposed to lessen the pain.  Moms are supposed to be strong when their kids are weak, but I am incredibly sad when I think of those in the ward that have served my family.  Primary Leaders and teachers who have love my kids, Young Women Leaders and teachers who have taken my daughter to new heights, Priesthood leaders that have led us, Home teachers who have faithfully served, Camp Leaders who have been huge influences on my daughter, Scout Leaders, Visiting Teachers.  The list could go on and on.  The question arises.  How do you move on when you are indebted to so so many?

How do you move on when you don't want to?