That Was Short Lived
Max had a soccer game tonight, and it didn't bode too well for his team. They lost, but this didn't all start tonight so let me back up. After the indoor soccer season finished up, Max's coach decided to begin having practices. Oh yippee, I thought that would be nice. Maybe we could actually teach the boys to play some soccer. The first game we lost so badly that the coach decided that the boys need a two hour practice. (Which by the way I think excessive when they end at eight 'o clock on a school night.) The result, . . . the team looked a little better. They were passing more, and talking to each other, and the outcome was favorable. Tonight. . . A DIFFERENT STORY.
Before I go on, I also need to add that the coach is tired of the parents yelling at the boys during the games. He has asked us to please be quiet. We can cheer if someone does something right, but we can't yell out anything that might be considered coaching. He asked us specifically to let him coach. Then he told us that he wants the boys to figure it out on their own. This approach is so foreign to Gregg that I have to constantly remind Gregg to be quiet. In all of the years of playing sports, not once did Gregg have a coach that wanted him to teach himself how to play the game. So, we are trying. We are trying really hard. But right now I am feeling like I want to yell at someone, and I can only imagine what Gregg would have done had he been there. Maybe I wouldn't be so mad. He has more experience at playing sports than I do, and he usually sees the real game being played. He can teach me as I watch, and can put blame where it is deserved. He will tell me, "that was Max's fault, or that wasn't his fault." Tonight I needed Gregg's viewpoint.
Max didn't start tonight even though he was a captain for the game. In fact I didn't think Max was going to get to go into the game the whole first half, but about two minutes before the half they finally allowed him to play. I had a little pride to swallow because in my mind, this means that Max is not as good as the other boys, and that the coaches are feeling a lack of confidence in his game. I know Max. When he is on the field, is is trying with everything he has to do what he is suppose to do. He leaves nothing back. The footwork could improve, but he can usually get by with sheer determination, and who am I to complain when someones son has to sit out. Max is the small kid who usually gets run over during big plays. Maybe the coaches are recognizing this.
The other team was good. They had scored four goals on our team by the time Max got in. If I had to evaluate Max's game tonight I would have to say that Max neither aided nor hurt his team while he was playing . He had a few good kicks, but nothing too game changing because he was in the game.
Near the end of the game the other team did again what they had done during the whole rest of the game. They got a break away, and scored on our goalie. Our goalie was having a rough night. He would charge the ball trying to stop it, and fall on the spot he thought the ball would be and miss. At which point the other team would shoot and score. This is what happened over and over, but this time as a result. . . Max was yanked from the game and YELLED at for not being in position.
That is why I am mad. Did my son deserve to be reprimanded for being out of position? Probably. Did they score because Max was out of position? Maybe. Was he the only one to blame? NO. He was playing sweeper stopper. Where were the defenders? Why didn't they get yanked from the game and yelled at for being out of position? They didn't! So the result. . . MAX FELT THAT OUR TEAM LOST THE GAME BECAUSE OF HIM. He made it to the car before the tears fell, but they didn't stop for two hours. How can I convince my son that the loss of the team tonight wasn't just his fault when the coaches made him feel that it was. He is definitely not liking the game of soccer right now. The only way I could get him to calm down was to start talking about baseball.
How do I help my son handle the agony of defeat and learn from it when I want to yell at the coaches for blaming my son for a mistake that wasn't entirely his fault. The other team was good. WE AREN'T. It is that simple.
Sports are hard but it is true that sports also builds character. In all my years of playing high school, county rec, etc. I've never been on a winning team. Never! It's sucked. And I've been yelled at and "blamed" for lots of things. You just have to chalk it up to "sports" and coaches and take a deep breath.
ReplyDeleteAs we always tell willie and I'm starting to tell my kids - do your best! And as long as you can walk off the court knowing you did your very best, then it doesn't matter what anyone else says, or what the final score is.
In the end - when all the ball games are over - it's only the Uncle Rico's who remember the score - and they are stuck in high school forever. The kids who learn to roll with the punches are the ones making great things out of their lives because they learned, through trial and error, that sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes you get yelled at - but your life is always bigger than the court.
Maybe you can tell that to Max. It's what my parents always told me.
Thanks I needed to be reminded of the bigger picture. I will try to approach this differently from now on. Helping Max learn from life is the ultimate goal, and sometimes I learn in the process too. I definitely don't want Max to grow up to be an "Uncle Rico".
Deleteyeah - it's so challenging. I am a sports yeller. I love to yell officials and players and coaches. My grandma Huber taught me how to do it the best....After I yell and scream at willie's basketball games I always feel so dumb and remember that my kids are watching me....that I need to set a better example. And that I need to remember it's just a game.
ReplyDeleteThat's why I don't do sports anymore. I learned valuable lessons - one of which that, like my dad, I am just too competitive and when I have a vested interest, I cannot stand to lose. So, as a grown up, I just don't put myself in those situations because it's not a good environment for me.
My brother had a really tough bball season this year and really hand some grounds to quit the team. But - he sucked it up, fought through, and it made him a stronger person and a better ball player.
And, Elliott starts t-ball tomorrow. I'm already telling myself to just let him enjoy the experience and not wear him down with too much talk about it -but all I want to do is coach him and he's only 5. ;)
Yelling must run in the family. Gregg is one of the main reasons I think that the coach told the parents to only cheer when the team does something well. Gregg can't stand it though. He sees things the coaches don't and has to say something. I hope you are better at enjoying the journey with Elliot than I am with Max. I have definitely learned that even though I did not do sports, I have a very competitive nature as well(especially when it comes to my son).
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